i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
