Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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