It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Never joke about your clitoris.
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