i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
