Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
