So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
