It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
