you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
