imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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