thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
