Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
kristin has been a bad kristin
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
