i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Randomize
