Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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