just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
