girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
