Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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