Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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