I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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