If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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