I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
