I looked at my own cervix.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
