good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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