Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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