Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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