I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
