things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
