it was like his penis was on wheels.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
