ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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