Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
