Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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