Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
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I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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