I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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