ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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