Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I'm passing your future prison.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
