my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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