dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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