The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
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