What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Randomize
