drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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