He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
