Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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