come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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