a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
