I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
