Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
If I die, sorry about rent.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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