The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
