Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
