I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
