isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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