ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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