dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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