How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Just took my morning after pill in the library
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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