so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
