How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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