I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
