This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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