I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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