how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
