it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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