I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
