How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
