Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
