Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
is wine microwaveable?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
