Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
