All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
