i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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