and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Randomize
