Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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