I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
