Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
