So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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