He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
