Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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