You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
