theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
