I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
