I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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