So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
