Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
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Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
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Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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