im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
