Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
