I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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